How ’bout this one, mom?

You can learn a lot about people by watching where and how they park their automobiles.  Hey, I’m serious here.  Have you ever thought about it?  I hadn’t either until I was listening to one of my podcasts that focuses on survivalism and “prepping” and the host tasked his listeners with paying attention to where they park in an effort to avoid being targeted for theft or worse.  I started paying attention to my parking lot at work.  It’s huge.  There are lots of spots and they’re…well, spacious.  I mean these spots are like a 8-hour spa for our autos.  And when inclement weather takes the day there’s plenty of room between automobiles for a driver to sling open the door in an effort to quickly get in. 

Ok, sorry, back to the picking of our spots.  I know it depends on the lot’s size, number of spots, angles, location to the door where we’re going, our automobile’s size, as well as the number of open spots available at any given time.  However, are you a “puller-though’er?”  Have you seen these people?  They drive around not looking for one spot but TWO!  Well, I am one.  Yep, and it all happened one evening in Perryville, Kentucky while visiting my wife’s grandparents at their farm.  I borrowed my brother-in-law’s truck and I was backing it down the driveway when I slammed right into a huge oak tree.  That point of impact was the center of my conversion.  I remember saying to myself, “I’d be happy if I never had to back up a vehicle again.”  I was raised by a “pull’er-through’er,” as my mom is one.  We’re fine people actually, but don’t get mad when we don’t pull out the chips at the casino.  We’re not that type.

How about “parallel parkers?”  You one of them, too?  Yeah, what a bragidocious group they are.  They can’t WAIT to go downtown just so they can show up off their amazing talent.  It’s their little Super Bowl and they put on quite a show, don’t they?  Well, we need ’em.  I’m not one of them, but I still treasure their talent when I’m with them. 

How about the “I have a big truck so I’m gonna make my own spot” folks?  Yeah, a small group of these types meet around 4:05 – 4:15 at my gym each day.  Now, I can totally understand the huge, lifted white Ford Super Duty 3500.  It’s larger than some drive-thru coffee stands I’ve seen around here.  However, a Chevy S-10?  Really?  I’ve OWNED one of those and, quite honestly, we just aren’t big enough to pull this off.  You look like you really have “little man’s syndrome” when you try this.  Just stop.  Park with us “up there.”  We forgive you and we’ll…well we’ll try…not to remember what you’ve done. 

We all know the “back’er in’er,” don’t we?  As a self-described “pull’er through’er” I find myself waiting on these types a lot while trying to park my car the normal way.  Deep down I guess I’m a little amazed as they have no fear of hitting something.  They tell me they do this because they don’t like backing up to leave the spot?  Uh, the only problem with that, folks, is that you had to back in to get there in the first place.  They also tell me that they can “leave faster.”  Uh, again, small problem – it took you 38 minutes up front to park the thing so you actually lost 37:21 minutes in the process.  It ain’t efficiency, folks, it’s lunacy. 

Lastly, how about the “I’m an Isolationalist and I’m fine with parking way out here by myself” folks?  You’ll see Pat Buchanan here.  They’re proud to get to where they’re going 2 hours early to make the trek.  Now, I completely understand parking the BMW M5…but the ’99 Civic?  In fact it’s almost so absurd for the latter that I almost think it flips to “honorable.”  It makes me want to meet him halfway with a smile, a cup of coffee and the question “just what were you thinking?”



About Alex Foushee

Married with two kiddos, live in St. Louis, MO. Trying to love, provide, and do what is right for my family.
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10 Responses to How ’bout this one, mom?

  1. Nicole H. says:

    You crack me up. Proud to be a pull-through-er” if given the chance, but I’d really love to show you my parallel parking skills!

  2. F. Fowl says:

    Amen Brother! You hit the nail on the head. I think I have one other for this list… Have you ever witnessed the “Towanda!” parker?! Like the Honey Badger, These people just give a sh.. crap. They drive all willy nilly through the parking lot, crossing rows with little or no regard to normal people using the proper lanes in the lot. I DETEST these people, having been hit by one myself and almost hit on several other locations… And of course I was the idiot who didn’t pay attention to the moron driving perpendicular to the lanes in the lot.
    I can’t stand the “back’er in’er.” Whenever I run into one, I wind up waiting what seems like hours on them to park because the next available spot is right next to theirs! And of course, they know this, so they take their sweet time. And if that is any indication on how you are going to be in the store, then I don’t want to be dealing with you in the store! So I will run in, get what I need, and pay so I can leave, hopefully, before they even get into the store! Now… I am not naturally a mean spirited person, I tend to pick my battles… and see, this scenario sets up the perfect battle! Since I ran in and got my stuff before the dweeb even got in the store, I get back to the car, turn it on, and lie in wait. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes not so much… But the end result is always the same! As they get into their car, I start backing up and I t a k e m y s w e e t t i m e b a c k i n g o u t ! ! ! ! ! And it usually results in a honk or two, or in some cases twenty. I like to believe that when I drive off, I will leave them a much better person, and hopefully that I converted them to a “puller-though’er” like myself!

  3. Jean Gould says:

    I am also a “puller througher” when given the chance and I know I won’t have a bunch of groceries to put in the trunk. It is more gas efficient than backing up as well as faster. It is very much agreed “backer in-ers” take way to much time parking. It usually results in me rolling my eyes and saying, “REALLY….” If you can’t park your big ol’ truck forward, don’t try backing in. I did appreciate the skills of the accomplished parallel parkers when I was in San Francisco. They are scary fast and accurate whereas I was “adjusting” what seemed like forever.

    We do need to add two more to the list. Kudos to F. Fowl for your addition by the way! Now, the ones that kill me are the drivers who wander around the parking lot, circling and circling for 10 minutes to get a spot 3 spaces closer to the door. I have already parked, shopped and am leaving! The walk is good for you! The other driver is the one that will sit and wait for a spot for freaking ever when there are plenty of spots just a tiny bit further. Stop holding me up! Again, the extra walk is good for you.

    The end. Jean G.

  4. Greg says:

    One must also consider that parking orientation, and therefore rear-hatch directionality, of your conveyance are of importance, for example, when purchasing eight 50-pound bags of food for the family’s toy chihuahua. Puller-througher’s have to understand the risk of having their rear-hatch opening radius compromised by a ’58 DeVille that pulls up within 1.47 centimeters of their bumper.

  5. Uh oh. Can I be more than one kind of parker? What does this say about me if I’m guilty of all of the above?

  6. Brian A. says:

    Next time we see the isolationist we should park as close as we can to them without hitting their car. Seeing the look on their face when they walk all the way out to their car to find themselves boxed in would be priceless. Nicely done Alex.

  7. Jeff White says:

    Welcome to the world of blogging. I too had a S-10. I will park in the closest spot possible.

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